Family is supposed to be mutually supportive, a union to be cherished.
Home is supposed to be a physical place where you retire to safety after a
hard days work.
But, l am sincerely afraid that many modern homes can not be defined this way.
Many family relationships and physical homes can be likened to war zones
because of the hostile and a non-friendly atmosphere.
The unwelcome reactions most parents or older siblings receive from those
under their care, and the tireless demands of wants, other than needs have made
life in many homes unbearable.
Many providers to toxic family members normally feel ashamed and console
themselves by singing publicly with loud tones of “Home, Sweet Home!”
The tones in privacy are another story,and their hearts are heavy ridden with sorrow.
Their pockets are empty and their bank accounts are filled with never ending loans
and shylock threats in order to meet demands to suit ungrateful dependents.
It is not rare to hear of the , unfair responses on sms and WhatsApp ‘received,
from those they have tirelessly given up their dreams for, in order to feed,clothe,
and educate .No care or regard is given for physical and emotional sufferings
of the givers. Many a wife has remained for years in a toxic marriage, having
sacrificed her happiness in order to retain her image or for the sake of her children.
The church and some customs have also played a huge role where divorce is not accepted,
“till death do us part”, and even when it is a dangerous situation leading to “murder”or other
hurtful forms of domestic violence.
What about “toxic relationships”?
There are no open spaces to discuss this issue honestly because of the permanent beliefs:
“Blood is thicker than water”and “Do not wash your dirty linen in public”.
Unfortunately, by the time the giver admits,”Enough is Enough!”; they have
reached their end limits and have been insulted and financially milked “high and dry.”
This interwoven and contradictory situations are common experiences,for example:
where one is not allowed to question a father who disowned the family when they were
toddlers, even when he makes a full come back with hypocritical “forgiveness “requests,
or using the game of manipulating the offspring ,targeting their spiritual and
“Respect your father and mother so that your days may be long !”.The big question is;
even when they continue to be neglectful or exploitive?
Woe to you if you are an African because even if your father is wrong you must not talk
argue your case.
Woe to you if you are a woman !You must never question your parents credibility or honesty.
No! Accountability must not be addressed,it is your unconditional responsibility to take care
of them regardless of their bad behaviour.Refusal to do so and you face damnation,you are cursed!
“How dare you talk to your father like that?”.
It is totally unacceptable to discuss about how money you sent has been utilised, while you
slave away abroad.Whether it is squandered or given to the favourite mamas toxic sibling,
No discussions,no complaints for that is being disrespectful .
Toxic people have a refined way of accusing the wronged person and painting a very ,
dark,negative picture of the helper.Taking matters to the courts or Chief’s baraza will not
help since these are “birds of a feather”, or you have no proof as your assistance was
based on love ,trust and responsibility.
A toxic family member will never ,ever own up ,and will always discredit the slightest
hint of a discussion about the preceived problems.
Toxic family members are always the victim ,theirs is a self-pity game even if the very
matter is being summoned on your threshold ,legal “homestead” built by your
hard -earned savings they will find faults and blame you for their misfortunes.
Tips or steps to take.
Cutting off any close toxic family member ,when you finally feel “this is the last straw
on the Camel’s back”,will probably be one of the most challenging decisions you will
ever have to make in your life.
But , if you are in this state,the earlier you Take a drastic Action, the Better!
Feeding and entertaining toxic people, is like eating fatty foods and expecting
to be slim ,fit and healthy. it’s a “NO WIN stand.
▪Get rid of them and think about the consequences later.
▪Life is about taking risks ,if they are detrimental to your physical,spiritual,
emotional and financial status;there is really no better solution,than to tell
them to “vamoos!”or disappear out of your life.
▪Block and erase them from your social media pages lest they revenge with malice.
▪Futuristically, you are doing them a very big favour especially if they are in their
early 20’s.You are giving them the chance to start thinking and mayne,looking out
for new opportunities .Whether they start working for a living should not be your problem.
You are getting them to reconsider their status.
▪The Univers,the natural laws of survival and the world will now be able to shape,
correct,guide or deal with them appropriately.
Remember you are not guilty of negligence or responsible for their laziness and
Unmaskedstories are all about authenticity.
Writing about everyday life experiences,exposing hidden truths about our toxic loves was
this articles message.This openness is a form of self- therapy and part of a healing
process.It is a difficult and emotional decision but also a necessity.
We should prioritise our happiness and self-worth ,in order to be more creative, happy,
productive,active,sane,loving and kind
Too much association with toxic family loved ones can lead to serious illnesses like depression,
alcoholism and social dependency.”you soon become them!”
Loving others requires we love ourselves too.
Written with love,hugs and compassion other than bitterness.
“Bitterness is when you hide the hurt and fake a smile !!!!”